Lokendra Awasthi

प्रकासित पोस्ट का सम्पूर्ण पात्र तथा घटनाहरु काल्पनिक हुन कसैको जीवन सँग मेल खान गएमा सन्योग मात्र हुने छ ।  कुरो केहि बर्ष अगाडिको हो । उस्को र मेरो भेट भएको खासै सम्झना त छैन । भेट त भयो तर कुरा गर्ने आट कहिलेइ आयन । साथिले भन्थ्यो लभ लेटर दिनु पर्छ अनि त केटी आफै पट्टिहल्छे नि । लभ लेटर त दिए तर अर्कै को झोलामा परेछ ।फिल्म मा जस्तो फाइट गरेर इम्प्रेस गरौ जस्तो लाग्यो तर साथिहरुले कुटाइ खान मानेनन । साथिहरुकै आइडिया थियो पहिले उस्को मिल्ने साथिसँग मित्रता गर्ने , एकदिन उस्को साथी र मलाई सँगई देखिछ , अनि त 'भिनजु' भन्दै गैइ ।

You are not a failure until you allow your mistake to define what kind of person you are. Failure is, when your hopes, going things not going the way you wanted them to. Failure may be defined in different case, just as in studying, playing, love, in being a good person, in holding the relation etc.  The definition of failure is different for us. Most of us take on the identity of a failure without really knowing what it is all about.  Failure according to the dictionary is ceasing to function, breaking down, non performance and I have found that our definition of breakdown, non performance are not correct. We think that we are a failure when our parents give up on us or when we make the same mistake again and again or when after a long time we are not getting success, we have always dreamt or when we re not financially sound in life as we hope to be. These situations are not what make a failure. They may be setbacks, defeats, low determinations, that are to be overcome. A fa

सपनै सपनाहरूको चुलीबाट एउटा सपना टपक्क टिपेर कुनै दिन मेरो अँगालो भरी सजिएर उसले भनेकी थिई– ‘कान्छु, हाम्रो छोरीको नाउँ दिलाशा राख्ने है ।’ एकाबिहानै कसैले मेरो हातमा रातो रङ्गीन कागज थमाएर गयो । विवाहको कार्ड भित्र दिलाशा नाउँ देखेपछि म झस्किएँ एकपल अनि मेरो मस्तिष्कमा विगतको हरेक क्षण मडारिन थाल्यो । *** सिनेमा हेर्न बसे झैं एकाएक मेरो मानसपटलमा अतितका प्रत्येक दृश्यहरू घुम्न थाले। खुसी के हो? के होला सुख? कत्रो होला आकाङ्क्षाको सगरमाथा? कहाँ होला चाहनाको अन्तिम बिन्दु? के हो प्रेम? अनि सर्मपण? केलाई भनिन्छ त्यो ? धेरै पटक आफ्नै दाँतले आफ्नो जिब्रो टोकेको याद छ मलाई– अरे यार अनि कसरी गर्न सकिन्छ कसैलाई आफूलाई भन्दा धेरै बिश्वास ? कहाँबाट जन्म हुन्छ धोका र विश्वासघातको ? त्याग ? कसका लागि गरिन्छ त्यो ? सही र गलतको मापन कसरी गरिन्छ ? थाहा छ पीडाले सबैलाई सताउँछ अनि दुखाउँछ । यति बुझ्दा बुझ्दै पनि मान्छे कसरी अरूलाई पीडाको समुन्द्रमा धकेलेर आफू खुसीको सागरमा तैरिन सक्छन् होला! चोटको साथमा किन सधै आँसु मात्र आउँछ? के सधैं एकै खाले पीडाले उत्तिकै  आँसुको आहाल जमाउँछ होला र ?

Sometime I think, the almighty god would appear and ask me for a wish but certainly I find myself erased. Yes, my mind becomes eccentric for me but when I wish for a eminence wish I used to find myself with nothing except the air, the silent air which inhabits me.  A loud excitement like a gust of air  really kills me everyday, every hours of day  and I used to hold the earth groaning to stop its movement because I am being left alone. I can only know the latent bitter truth of my life. I remember, I was here to be on a marathon, I ran and ran but when I came to the veracity I found myself in a walk, just alone, just like exiled and just like the air of water well. I am tired of these dogma of life. Sometimes when I find "some said or some great people said" , I detest them, thinking who the hell made then great and start to make a house of ash with an imagination that I'll go to the roof and roar for my greatness but who cares, the thing they can only do is to wak

Am I of that kind, who can't feel others? Or am I of those who feels more than required ! Am is a substitute of many of us , whom the sensitives marked as stone hearted. Am can feel the warmth, Am can feel the joy and even feel the  literature and love but some says Am can't feel them. When you were in tears did the Am smiled ! Or when you laughed did the Am stopped you ! No , absolutely not , because Am can feel you. But the problem is Am can't be always with I. What if Am was not with I yesterday, what if Am will not be with I tommarrow but feel the Am which is with I today. Yes, I Am, with you. When we sleep tommarrow will be changed into today and again Am will be with I. This I is You.

After the futile attempts, many irregularities came in the tenor of my life. It's just not my tale but hundreds of me, who tread towards the canon of not losing the hope. The antics one made just a jest of my ail, remarking it just an idle step but no one except well-wisher umpired my attempts that I just not had cast a bow into the bush. I have faced pain like the travail when someone like the bloc tried to hew down my attempts. The sole cause that I can't retrace my journey might have been described by some ideals but the truth seeks silence. With queasy and latent face times ago I was also praying for the fecund but, time and again I think that the fatalism is also biased. Thinking only about the presto in the race became my fault and a big gash quell me. Now the cosmic remark will only be there when i'll have a great efflux of fruitle  attempt.....     

तिम्रा लागि ज्यान दिन्छु तिमी मेरो मनको राजा ,,,,, यि त सब भन्ने कुरा न हुन ।  राम कृष्णको त्यो मधुर भावमा डुबिरहेको थिए म । लग्थ्यो भखरैमात्रै प्रेम मा धोका पाएर भौतरिरहेको यात्री हु । भनिन्छ नि धोका या दु: ख पाएपछी मनिस ले जिवन को अर्थ बुज्छ रे, त्य्ही भएर होला प्रेम-माया जस्तो पबित्र बन्धन्मा पनि धोका भन्ने पटो राखिएको ।   साच्चै नै प्रेम शब्दको सही अर्थ अझै पनि बुज्न सकिएन । साएद स्कूल मा पड्दा बेग्लै बिसए बनाएर पडाएको भए म पनि प्रेम मा बिद्द्वन हुने थिए होला तर पछी साथीहरुले भनेपछी थाह भयो , यो त बैकल्पिक रहेछ्, आफैले पड्ने र बुझ्नुपर्ने । आज अन्ज्रेजी समय अनुसार फेब्रुअरी १४ यानी प्रेम दिवस । तर थोरैलाई मात्रै थाह होला कि आज युटुब्ले एक दसक पुरा गरेको दिन भनेर । आजका युबहरुले दशै तिहारमा रमाउन छोडिसके तर प्रेम दिवस अति नै रमाइलो गरेर मनौछन । दशै पनि लग्भ्ग एक हप्ता नै हुन्छ र प्रेम दिवस को रमाइलो पनि एक हप्ता नै तर आज सम्म आइपुग्दा दशै भनेको बुडाखाडाले मात्रै मनाउने पर्व भैसक्यो । बाल्बालिका पनि रमाउछन , मामाघर मा टिका लगाएर पैस पाइन्छ भनेर अनि नया लुगा लगाउँन पाइन्छ भनेर तर हा